Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
