At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
