hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
