nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
