It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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