i just had sex bonerless
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
