I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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