On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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