I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
