I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
