"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
