Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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