I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You dont lie about slip and slides
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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