Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
