just tell him i said nine months
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
