She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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