Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i think my cat just said my name.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
