i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
