Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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