this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
