I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
