When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
