Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The air was thick with penises
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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