yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
