Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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