omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
