Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
