Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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