Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
