Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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