Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
