I wish my penis had an off switch
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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