I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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