Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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