Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
sex in a hospital.. check
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
