My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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