me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
