you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
