There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
