Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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