Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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