remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
