is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
