Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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