i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The air was thick with penises
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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