I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
