I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
