Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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