There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
