I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
