Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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