I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I need moral support for this bender
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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